This seasons journey

I'm now just days away from my estimated due date. I'm nervous about what our new life will look like. I'm excited to heal from multiple traumatic births. I'm anxious to meet my newest precious princess. But most of all I'm great ful to carry another healthy baby girl and have the courage, strength and support to birth her at home. 

I'm now questioning every contraction (which I have many) and tinge of pain. I'm checking for all the signs of early labor. This is the annoying fun part. She's keeping me on my toes. Will she be early? Late? On time? She has to be one of them :) 

Her bed is clean and ready, clothes washed and set out for her first couple days, diapers are prepped and stuffed, video camera is charged, homebirth kit is ready and we finally have all the kinks worked out on filling the pool! We have our corner where the pool will go measured and cleared. The only thing left to do it wait. Something you can't prepare for. I'm Savoring every last moment of her inside me. Kicking and jabbing me. She's safe and cozy in there.

 

The questions now swirling through my head. How will I be a good mom to 4? How will this affect Brynlee? Can I do it all? Will I ever shower again? Will I ever leave the house again? Only time will tell. 

Time is everything right now. Snuggling with my baby bryn who will not be the baby anymore. Something I'm having difficulties with. It makes me sad thinking she's now a big sissy. A big girl. This is the longest stretch between babies so far. 

I look up and read my affirmations every morning. Mentally taking them in. Pondering what they mean to me that day. I find strength in those words. Courage behind them from those who wrote them. I stare at my necklace remembering each persons contribution and what they mean. Knowing I have so many in my corner. So many who truly care about me about my birth. I'm not some medical number. I'm a momma going on a birth journey. A journey to find healing, peace, validation, love and support. All things that are finally surfacing by those I chose to surround myself with during these last weeks of pregnancy. 

Thank you all for taking this journey with me. You know who you are. The ones who have done nothing but love and support me. Who were a sounding board when things got confusing and questionable. You will forever have a special place in my heart during one of the most memorable times of my life. 

 

I can't wait to finish this journey and start the next one.